We love dirty laundry, don’t we?

Major Depressive Disorder – well that’s depressing, why would I want to talk about it?

In a moment of vulnerability, I openly shared on my social media my diagnosis, and that I was struggling. All I knew was that I had to get it out of my head, otherwise I might explode. What happened after I shared was nothing short of beautiful. Many people reached out, not with advice, but with gratitude for me giving voice to what they were feeling, or what they live with day in, day out. Some folx shared their own stories of perseverance, and survival. Some recognized themselves in my words, and asked for advice. Thus the birth of a blog DownsideUp – my life with MDD. If, by sharing my story, I can help just one person, then share I will. Please join me on this journey. Not sure where it’s going, but let’s go together. I promise raw honesty, and maybe a little humor here and there. Here is the social media post that started it all:

I live with, and often struggle through, Major Depressive Disorder, with side dishes of trauma, anxiety, PTSD. I feel a need to talk about this in the hope that I can enlighten someone to have more compassion and empathy. Friday and Saturday I had the opportunity to see friends – 3 for dinner on Friday night, and 7 for a beach picnic yesterday. I love all these women with every fiber of my being. My joy being with them was real – there is a huge difference between acting, and faking. My depressed brain urged me to cancel. It felt like a physical fight to beat that side down and actually walk out of the house. I did not want to engage, talk, or visit with other humans. However, trauma creates the ability to be an incredible actor ,and carry on, even look happy, around others and they never know. Of the 10 people I spent time with this weekend, I wonder did anyone see, or was the acting on par? The acting, however, is very exhausting, physically, and all I want to do is stay in bed, but I am pushing once again, and going to the Volo Bog. But I can’t do people today. It’s okay to be alone. So why am I sharing this? I believe being open and vulnerable might help someone else. If you are not someone who deals with real, diagnosed depressive disorders (which does not include being “depressed” about a situation, argument with your spouse etc), please just try to understand, and when you can’t, be kind, show some compassion, acknowledge that you don’t understand. Look at this last graphic on what NOT to to say to us. Oh, and be kind, to everyone – you never know what someone is going through. Most people have no idea the level of depression I live with.(A peak into my brain, which I sometimes hate. I had to come back and add a couple sentences because I started worrying that the women I spent time with this weekend would feel slighted, or like I was faking. See what a MDD brain can be like?)